I remember a period of time early on in college where I described, what I now would call anxiety, as a hurricane-like storm swirling around me where I could see glimpses of the stressors, the responsibilities, the failures, and the afflictions. I would be searching for a hand to touch me, to hold me, to tell me everything was going to be okay. That I wasn’t alone. That I was going to make it through. That life is tough, but so am I. I was a mess – no idea who I was, what I wanted, what I was hoping for. I longed for community, and I felt totally alone in that, isolated, confused and that the mess I was carrying was too much for other people.

At that time, I didn’t have a lot of friends, my roommate had left the college, I felt kind of excluded from most groups, and I was grappling with some of my embodied differences – I could feel judgment, anyone can at that age. I didn’t fit the normative mold, and I hadn’t yet found my people who would accept that – it made for lonely weekends cloistered in my room and a sense that people found me unworthy, undesirable, and like the leper, unclean.

In our readings today, we hear about the isolation of those with leprosy. That they must declare themselves unclean and live apart from society. It’s lonely living by yourself, especially when you think the time alone is because no one wants to go near you. When the leper comes before Jesus and says, “if you wish, you can make me clean,” it almost sounds like a plea: if you wish, you can love me, if you wish, invite me in. While some translations say Jesus was moved with pity, others say “moved with compassion.” And he responds “I do will it. Be made clean.” I do will it. I love you. I do will it. You are welcome here.

What does it mean to be made “clean” by the spirit? What does it mean to bring our messes to God?

For today, I’ll posit that it means accepting the love of God given to us for exactly who we are and showing it to others, because the spirit wills it. God wants it. We are desired in love and given opportunities in the messiness of our humanity to love. We might find the process of being made clean akin to healing, but in order to do that we have to be vulnerable. We have to enter into relationship, we have to allow God’s grace to flow freely, and we have to search to see it. When the leper approaches and kneels before Jesus, it’s a moment of reckoning. I envision myself in the body of the leper, crying out to Jesus: help me, love me, welcome me.

Earlier this week, I lost my friend Phil at the age of 65. Phil had down syndrome and lived in a community where I worked as a care-giver. Many have recalled in the last week that he always knew what people needed and knew how to love them – it was second nature. One didn’t have to ask to be loved by Phil, it was freely given when you chose to enter his world. He loved unconditionally and knew how to answer the leper’s plea to be seen, to be loved, to be welcome, and to be made clean. Being a caregiver for adults with intellectual disabilities is inherently vulnerable work. We bring our full selves to daily care, just as we care for the full selves of our friends. Phil’s friendship is a testament to what it means to heal and be healed – to love and to be loved – to make clean and be made clean.

Since those lonely nights in college, I’ve sought comfort in the vulnerability of the leper and the echoes of Jesus’ response to him. Our God’s love is a liberating love. Regardless of the human ailments we might experience, God is there to say: “I do will it, I love you. I do will it. Be made clean.” Our messes never go away. We all carry anxiety, trauma, discomfort, family issues, identity crises, pain, and sorrow in every action of our lives. Since thinking through the ideas from the readings today, I’ve found new comfort in the commonly printed phrase, bless this mess!

As we approach the season of Lent, how will you ask God to bless your mess? How will you allow yourself to feel the love of Jesus as he prepares to suffer? How will allow the spirit to move you to love others in the midst of their messes? How will you bring yourself before God to be made clean?